I survived!

I've officially survived my first full semester of post-grad life. 3 classes and 2 jobs later, I'm still not quite sure how I managed, but I did it! And, with a 4.0 in all classes, thankyouverymuch. :-)

I think the one question I've heard the most over the last few months has been: "Do you like being back in school?" My first responses is always yes, because it's true - I'm a nerd at heart and I have always generally enjoyed school. And I usually stop there because no one really wants to hear me keep babbling, but honestly it has been a more complicated question to answer.

For many reasons, it has been very different than the last time around. For one, even though it's only been 5 years since I graduated, technology has already changed for students. Renting books was just beginning to be a thing back then, so I didn't rent nor did I know anyone who did. Holy crap does it save money! Also, it was pretty rare that anyone had a smart phone - I didn't have one until several months after I graduated. I was talking about studying for an exam with a fellow student one day and mentioned I made myself note cards - his response was something like - "Oh I have an app to make note cards on my phone." It didn't even occur to me that would exist!

Secondly, community college students are very different than the students I encountered at the University of Michigan. There is definitely a stigma about community college students that is negative - students who weren't smart or motivated enough to get into 4-year universities. But I saw so much more there. Yes, there are always going to be a few kids who fit the stereotype. I did encounter one such student who told me he wasn't getting very good grades on the exams and seemed pretty bummed out about it, but then proceeded to tell me he never studied. Yea. But it seemed the biggest demographic was actually students planning to transfer to four year schools. It's really apparent that these students are working really hard and generally care about their education. I think it's encouraging and it's what college students should be like, rather than some of the students at Michigan who let's face it, barely had to work hard in their life, had their tuition paid for by their parents, and took their college education for granted. Though the students that encourage me the most are the ones like me - the older students, both those returning for further education and some going to school for the first time. It's just great to see people bettering their lives and chasing their dreams.
Another thing I've noticed that is different is the teaching style of the professors. On one hand, they are really encouraging and helpful to students, which is of course great since most of the students are really trying to do well and move on to other schools. On the other, I have to wonder if some of their techniques are hurting rather than helping. In two of my classes, I actually ended up with well over 100% grades because of the absolutely insane amount of extra credit. The one I didn't was taught by a professor who mainly teaches at a four-year university and did not offer as much extra credit. Two of my classes also dropped the lowest quiz and lab grades. I didn't take a lot of classes at UM with quizzes and labs (instead lots of papers and only midterm/final exams) so I don't really know if that's common at other schools, but I never remember having the opportunity for so much extra credit. So I have to wonder if this grade-padding is really helping the students or just the teachers.

Finally, and maybe most significantly, I have never felt so lonely in my life than over this semester. This is not the same lonely as some sad "no one understands me" teenager. To me it's not really that sad either, most of the time, because I know it will pass. The reason I feel so lonely is I am constantly surrounded by people who are different than I. I live in a building with college freshman. I go to class with primarily young students right out of high school. The older ones I mentioned are usually much older than me, closer to middle aged. All my friends have full-time 9-5 jobs, like I formally had. I don't really know any of my coworkers at the agency where I work part-time, because I work on contract-type work alone and am only there twice a week. At my other job, most of my coworkers are either younger college and high school students, or much older women aged 50+. There is truly no one I know that can 100% relate to my situation. Yes, I do have an amazingly supportive husband who did some career-changing of his own in the past few years, and is working on his second master's right now! He keeps me sane for sure, and of course having him and my adorable little dog means I'm not literally alone. But again, having no one to relate to can be tough sometimes. And it gets really tricky to make plans with my friends and family when you work weekends and they work weekdays. This semester I went several weeks at a time without seeing either of our families, which we usually make a habit to see at least a few times a month. Most of my friends have been really understanding and supportive, but there are also those who don't seem to understand why I can't go out spontaneously on a Saturday night or take a weekend off for a trip.

So that's how my first semester went. Whew. Now for a few much-needed weeks off! And a favorite quote from my favorite fellow lover of school:

 I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could have been all killed -- or worse, expelled. 
- Hermione Granger

On Death, Or, Why Do You Have So Many Skulls in Here

I thought today - All Souls Day, part of the Day of the Dead celebration - would be the perfect time to write this blog topic. More on why in a bit.

I do not hide my interest in the macabre - it's pretty clear in my choice of career aspirations, the things I wear, my apartment decor, and the interests I have. And yes, sometimes the odd things I say, which I'm sure my dear husband can attest to. While some may write me off as being weird or perhaps unloved as child, I enjoy when someone gives me a chance to explain. I'm really not that strange, when you consider you have a skull sitting right inside your head, and you, as well as I, and everyone on Earth, will die someday. Sorry to spoil the surprise.

I, and many others with similar interests, like to call myself "death positive". It does not mean we revel in the death of others or long for our own demise. It means, to me, simply that I accept death is a part of life, and instead of fearing it, I make it a goal to strive for what some would call, "a good death". (I give credit to hearing this term to Caitlin Doughty, founder of the Order of the Good Death.) Basically, to me having a "good death" would be when I am very old, after living a fulfilling life, passing peacefully at home whilst surrounded by loved ones, assured of what will happen to my body and my earthly possessions once I am gone. While we generally cannot chose when we will die, we can ensure as close to a "good death" as possible by living life to the fullest, so to speak - which I personally also include living a healthy lifestyle - and in more practical terms, having prepared the after-life necessities such as: what will happen to our bodies, what kind of funeral you'd like, if any, and to whom your earthly possessions should pass.

As a student of biology and psychology, death through these lenses also intrigues me. Learning about how complex life is, from the smallest unicellular organism, to the tallest, oldest trees in the forest, life on Earth is such a brilliant machine, constantly operating at every level even if we cannot see it. And the thing about life that is so fascinating to me, is that when it ends, as an organism dies, it becomes, literally, the fuel for more life to continue. Whether it is fed on by another creature or decays quietly into the ground, every bit of it is "recycled" back into new life (except in the case of embalming, which is another gripe for another day). And this has been going on and will continue long before and after humans. Which brings me to psychology - humans are, to our current knowledge, the only organisms that are consciously aware that we will die. The ways in which people deal (or not deal) with this information is so interesting to me. There are cultures that view death as moving on to an after-life in paradise, some who view it as an honor to die in some cases, and cultures where death is viewed as something evil such that they burn the hut of the deceased and all of his possessions within.

So what does this have to do with this blog, or my career? Well, because life is so very complex, it is also so very fragile, leading to a number of abnormalities and diseases and disorders that can disrupt it. I think studying these leads me to understand again how fragile this life is, and inspires me to live better and encourage others to do the same because of that. Not so creepy after all, is it?
One of my hopes for this blog and my life is to inspire others to see death as not so taboo or morbid as well. Which is not to say it isn't sad when a loved one passes. I just don't believe we should be in such denial that we do things like take extreme measures to lengthen one's life with medicine or machines, or once a person is no longer living, fill them with chemicals to stop the decay then seal them in an air tight box enclosed in a cement casing underground. Instead, on this day especially, take a moment to appreciate the relationship the Mexican culture has with the dead, taking a few days to celebrate the life of their loved ones with food and treats and music and joy.

Anyways, though this is a just a summary of my thoughts on death, hopefully that explains some things about me for you. And if it doesn't, I'd be happy to chat about it.


After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.
- Albus Dumbledore


Learn more about the Day of the Dead celebration here: Dia los Muertos - A Primer

Personal Re-Branding

I have to say, even though I have left the social media career field, I do still enjoy social media. I mean, I wouldn't have spent years at jobs in social if I didn't have an underlying interest. And studying it did make good use of both my communications and psychology background.
In my first job out of college, I was interning at an online job board. As social media was still a budding phenomenon, in the blogs and resources we provided our job searchers we repeatedly stressed the importance of building an online "personal brand". It's a fact that people are going to search your name online, and of course you want them to find good things, and if you can control those things, even better. It's a lesson I have taken into my own "personal brand", and considering the amount of Googling I've done on interview candidates, I'd be willing to bet it has helped, or in the least not hurt, my chances of getting the interviews and jobs I've had since that internship. And I don't just believe this is an important strategy for advertising or marketing folks either. Everyone is being Googled nowadays - you can find a new dentist, interior designer, electrician, dog sitter, and everything in between online. Don't tell me you've never Googled the name of someone before you have met them!
In any case, as I slowly back my way out of one career an into the next, I think it makes sense for my social presence to follow accordingly. And hey, maybe also attract a few new readers. :)
So what this means for my pages is still in the works, but if you follow me anywhere online I will be (at least attempting, I do work two jobs and have to study for three classes) posting more items relevant to my intended fields. So if you wonder why there are pictures of weird diseases on my Pinterest or why I tweeted a death-positive article, now you know!

And because it's hard to find a Harry Potter quote about branding or social media, I figure a quote from the self-proclaimed expert of re-branding in the wizarding world would suffice:

"When I was twelve, I was just as much of a nobody as you are now. In fact, I’d say I was even more of a nobody! I mean, a few people have heard of you, haven’t they? All that business with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!" He glanced at the lightning scar on Harry’s forehead. “I know, I know — it’s not quite as good as winning Witch Weekly’s Most-Charming-Smile Award five times in a row, as I have — but it’s a start, Harry, it’s a start.”
- Gilderoy Lockhart

When It Rains...

It pours, so to say. And in my case, hopefully just a nice pour enough to water the plants, not a torrential, devastating downpour.

So after finally figuring out the “what I’m going to do with my life!” part of being purposely funemployed (and also upon receiving my bill for fall classes, honestly), I decided it was time to get myself a job. I started applying to random places I thought would be fun to work at probably about a month or two ago, and to my complete lack of surprise, hadn’t gotten very many bites. I’m sure it’s the whole working-full-time-in-advertising bit of my resume that threw people for a loop, even if I had written a tell-all cover letter to accompany every application. But just as I started to get disheartened, a call from one of my favorite fabric and craft retail stores for an interview! And the same day, a message from a former coworker and friend inquiring about a position at her current agency. I figured I’d explain my situation and throw in a question about part time work just for the heck of it, and just like that I am helping her out part-time in social analytics (what I had been doing previously). I know, I know, it sounds like I’m the little puppy going back to the person that kicked them, but I assure you that is not the case! It’s a small agency and I’m only there two days a week in between classes. And obviously it’s more money than I could make at a retail job, let's be real.
Anyways, my interview at the store rolls around, and I’m offered that job too! I can do evenings and weekends there, and also earn myself a nice employee discount. Which could help me on another business endeavor… just a pipe-dream right now, so we'll see ;)

So there you have it – two jobs, three classes, and hopefully still enough time to enjoy things like, ya know, my husband, my dog, my friends & family! And I hope that this semester will be the only one this busy (until I start the PA program of course), since I’m sort of “front-loading” myself as far as pre-req classes go. But regardless, I could use your help sending good luck vibes my way :P

And PSA, please don’t kick puppies! Adopt, don’t shop. Rescue dogs are cuter anyway. Case in point, my sweet little rescue Ginny:

A photo posted by Samantha Etters (@sammaramma) on Aug 6, 2015 at 5:28pm PDT

Back to school, back to school...

So for most of my pre-reqs, I'm attending the local community college. As a student several years out of undergrad at a very large public school, it's been weird. But good, so far. I started with one class for this summer term so I could dip my toes back in the higher education swimming pool, Intro to Biology. The class itself is great - a good refresher, even though I was bummed to have to take it in the first place. I didn't have to take a college-level bio class since I scored myself a nice little 5 (out of 5) on AP Biology in high school. So just about everything we've learned I'm sitting there like, "oh yeah, I remember that." Making cell models out of Jell-O and candy really did pay off, I guess.

But what strikes me as the most interesting is the mix of people. There are about 40 people in the lecture, and I've learned so far the students are all across the board. Many seem to be students who regularly attend a public university, but are home for the summer sneaking in extra classes on the cheap. And there are several who are current students at the community college. Then there are a handful like me, older and going back to school, though some are much older. There are a few who I would estimate at being in their 40s, at least. To be honest, this made me feel pretty good. If they can go back to school at 40, I can at 26. Though, I do feel weird to look so young. I find myself wanting to talk to the older/returning student crowd, but because I look like I just graduated high school, I've got the undergrad kids talking to me. I know it sounds ridiculous to call them "kids" because they are only 8-6 years younger than me, but boy does that really make a difference. I got to talking to one classmate about music, and he specifically mentions liking he bands he liked in sixth grade. He names a few and I realize I was about to graduate high school when these bands were popular... 

I also have to say, this class really hammers home the importance of basic science education in our country, especially the stuff about your own body. From some of the questions people ask, I have to wonder, how did you get this far in life? A choice gem: when talking about body parts "leftover" by evolution, such as the appendix, a student asks about belly buttons. Instructor explains why yes it is still very important for the umbilical cord, etc etc. Second student asks, then why do boys have a belly button? And there's where my eyes widen in shock. Oh boy. Another question - why don't skulls have noses? I realize maybe the difference between cartilage and bone may not be common knowledge, but I still got a kick out of it. Can't you feel your nose is much softer than your skull?? Idk, let's at least thank their lucky stars they're being educated now.

Please kids, stay in school. :)


Every great wizard in history has started out as nothing more than what we are now, students. If they can do it, why not us? - Harry Potter

Pre-reqs are a b--ch

I guess this will be my first of hopefully not a lot "downer" posts. After looking into the PA program at Wayne State (my top choice) and attending an info session, I started doing my research on the pre-requisite courses I have to take. And I got really bummed out. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I had somehow duped myself into thinking it would be totally plausible to nail them all down in a year and be attending the program starting Fall 2016. But the only possible way I could do that is if I put myself through hell, cramming in as many credits as possible while also job shadowing and networking to get the required recommendation letters for my application. After some angry tears and a "get real" talk with myself, in my usual stress-induced-obsessively-organizational manner, I made an Excel spreadsheet detailing each and every pre-req, course number, and estimated term I can take each one, and seeing it mapped out and color-coded in front of me, finally accepted my fate. I can comfortably complete all pre-reqs (including two I hope I don't have to take but might not be able to get out of) and have plenty of time for job shadowing and maybe volunteering or getting a job at a hospital for extra experience.
I don't really know why I got so upset, and still feel upset sometimes; it comes and goes. I guess I just hoped I would be able to jump right in and get on with this new adventure, so the prospect of having to wait two years to even start the program makes me uneasy. I am excited, what can I say! But I think also just want to get back to working. Even though I am very very fortunate to be supported enough to not urgently need a job, there's still a part of me that feels almost guilty for being out of work. And there's also the difficultly of finding part-time work after you've been in the professional realm for several years. I also have to think about the four years this will take in total. Four years seems like such a long time! I have known my husband for four years. We had thought about moving out of Michigan within the next 2-3 years, but now having to stay for at least four seems like such a long time. And even though we are definitely, definitely not considering having kids any time soon, officially discussing waiting until after I complete the program has arisen a whole new issue. That one boggles me, because we probably would be waiting several years anyhow, but putting the timeline on it is just, gosh it's a weird feeling, especially as a woman. But that is a WHOLE other can of worms for a very different blog.
I think the point is, I am having to accept that I am at the very base of a mountain I have just decided to climb. Good grief, I hope I make it.

We must try not to sink beneath our anguish, Harry, but battle on. 
- Albus Dumbledore

Why a Pathologist's Assistant?

So, the big question, arguably the most important to me right now, as the answer will be guiding the next few years as I tackle pre-reqs and applications, and my acceptance into a program could literally depend on it.
The short answer is, it just feels right. It sounds like a cool job. And interesting, challenging, and fitting for the kind of person I am.


For those of you unfamiliar with the profession, a pathologist's assistant is a bit akin to a physician's assistant in that they practice under a medical doctor or pathologist (also an MD), doing a lot of the hands-on work as an extension of the MD. Both are also master's degrees and require certification. A pathologist's assistant (from here on out abbreviated as a PA) is responsible for the gross examination of surgical specimens (such as biopsies, lab tests, etc) including preparing samples or slides for the pathologist, and also assisting with autopsies. The pathologist, as a board-certified physician, gives the final diagnosis, but the PA's work is integral in this process. And PAs are in high demand for a few reasons, including reducing costs, increasing efficacy, and decreased number of pathology residents, so it's also lucrative and well-paying.

Cool, huh? Maybe not to everyone - the idea of handling organs and tissues pieces probably sounds awful to most people, but throw me a pair of gloves and I'll touch anything. Seriously, I clean up after the dirtiest of animals volunteering at the local humane society. Never own a pet duck.
Anyways, I've always had an interest in the health sciences, likely due to my being raised by a nurse, my mom. Perhaps it was her dinner-time conversation topics that steeled my stomach for medical oddities. (If you know a nurse and have asked them how their day was over a meal, you know what I'm talking about.) My mom is probably also responsible for my zeal for education - over my lifetime she's gone from RN, to BSN, to NP (Nurse practitioner, a Master's degree), and currently she is finishing her final project to complete her Doctorate in nursing. I will also credit my dad, an engineer, for my knack for problem-solving - I have always enjoyed puzzles and problems, and for the last few years I have been working as an analyst. So it makes sense a PA would appeal to me, as a job in health care where finding the problem is the basic goal. And not just any problems, these are problems that can change a person's life, or death - is the mass benign? has all the tumor been removed? was the death natural or is foul play suspected?
Two other big pros - I don't have to treat (living) people, and I'll get to wear scrubs to work. :D

As I said, this is the most important question I have to keep in mind right now. At this moment I am planning on roughly 2 years of preparing to apply to programs, and upon acceptance, 2 years in the program. So with that long of a tunnel ahead of me, it is good to keep the end goal in mind, and keep walking forward.

And with that:
I'm going to keep going until I succeed — or die. -Harry Potter

Welcome, or Remembering to Turn on the Light

I've always wanted to write a blog; I'm a good writer and I enjoy it. But having come from the social media and marketing realm, I never thought I had a good enough idea for a blog that would be, ya know, "marketable" - keep eyes on the page and ad dollars in the pocket. So in a fitting mirror of my recent "to hell with it" quitting of my job in advertising, I'm saying "to hell with" writing a blog for anyone else. I'm writing this for me, as I go though this giant, scary, exciting change in my life. However, I do hope that this blog can be inspiring and maybe even motivational to others who may be like me three months ago, sitting in a cubicle hating not just their job, but their career prospects, their feeling of hopelessness, their lack of motivation to do something more, so you can get up and go to the edge of that cliff with so much fog you can't see what's at the bottom - and you jump. Because, as I know now, even though you can't see it now, there is a bottom and you will land on your feet.

Anyways, because I know you're all hanging by a thread, what is it that got me here? Well, I went to the University of Michigan with a vague idea of any real career aspirations, and spent four years going back and forth and all over the place - I considered journalism, psychiatry, medicine, environmental law, and probably a few other fleeting ideas - but eventually settled on a double major in communications and psychology, with a special focus on marketing and social psychology specifically. So I dutifully got an internship in marketing after graduation, and began my way on to a successful career in advertising. It was certainly fun and interesting at first, but I guess it was one of those things where the more I moved up and around and learned what it would be like to stay in the field, the more I wanted out. Now I can't say this for everyone in advertising, because I know there are people for whom it is very lucrative and they are truly happy, but for me, this was my experience: Firstly, the people - so. many. assholes. People with no regard for their employees, their inferiors or superiors, who only care about making themselves look good and advancing their own careers. And the unhappiness! If you're not an asshole, you're a stressed-out mess. I've never met so many people in one place so unhappy with their lives. The complaining especially - every time you go to lunch, go for drinks after work, or even are waiting for a meeting to begin - so much complaining. I would find myself doing the same thing - when I'd get home from work all I wanted to do was complain to my poor husband. Then he tells me about his job, which is also a recent career change, and he loves it - sure, he has small complaints here and there, but overall he enjoys going to work every day. I on the other hand can't keep track of how many times I cried on the drive home. When we'd hang out with his coworkers, they all talk about enjoying their jobs and if they complain about something they're problem solving and they're excited to meet tomorrow to figure it all out.
So, I can't say I had a light bulb moment, because it was more of a gradual brightening of said bulb - but I did eventually have the heart-to-heart with myself to ask, what the hell am I doing? Why I am still doing this? And two months ago, I made up my mind to quit. With no other plans concrete plans beyond that. I had been toying with the idea of going back to school for years, and was pretty set on going for nutrition to be a registered dietitian. So for the last two months I've been doing a combination of researching, soul-searching, and unapologetically enjoying doing nothing. Fast forward to now, yesterday was my first day of class, and I'm on my way to pursuing a career as a Pathologist's Assistant. It's radically different from where I began, but I truly believe it is a career I will enjoy. More on that for another blog.

So, there it is. I am glad to be able to share this journey with you, and I hope you enjoy it.

Until next time, a quote from my favorite series of literature:

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."
- Albus Dumbledore