5 Years Later

The end of last month marked five years since I graduated from the University of Michigan with my bachelor's degree. Humans of course assign a certain significance to markings of time in fives and tens, so it is significant in that way, but more so to me because of just how much my life has changed since. In the span of things, I realize five years is nothing. But looking back, five years has never seemed like such a long period of time. Since then I have had six different jobs, moved four times, lived in three different towns, and met and married my husband. But the most significant change seems to be internal, if that makes sense - the person I am today is so, so different than the one who walked out of the Big House that day, and even different from the one I thought I would be at that time.

I mostly feel like, for the first time at least since graduating and maybe since before then, that I am going in a forward direction. It feels pretty good. I am optimistic for the future. This is significant for me to say, because in the past I have struggled to look ahead rather than behind. Honestly I don't like thinking about the past - I spent too much time there while battling depression. I am not fascinated with nostalgia as my "Millennial" generation label would have you believe. Keeping myself in the present allows me to plan for a future.

Speaking of, I also think that five years from now will be significant. I'll have graduated, I'll have been working at least a year as a professional again. We'll have moved again, hopefully out of the Midwest, definitely out of the state. Our family will likely have grown - certainly in furry members but maybe human ones too. It is exciting to think of the change that lies ahead.

But it's also nice to know one thing hasn't changed. I did just receive a cumulative 4.0 this semester, which I don't think I actually ever did in undergrad, though I came close. Once a Hermione, always a Hermione :-)

"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be." - Albus Dumbledore

On Being the Crocus

Well I can't say I'm surprised. I fell into the trap of "new year, new you" nonsense that weight-loss pill hawkers and gym membership salesmen try to pull on the unsuspecting, naive masses. I said I was going to do all these things and then I didn't. I know it's only April and I have plenty of months left in the year to still make good on those goals, it still stings to be seemingly no further nearly a third of the way in.
Truth be told, this semester has been killer. Every single day I am in class or working or both; no days off. I'm not really complaining, I did this willingly and it is what it is for now and it'll be worth it in the end, but it still sucks. It's exhausting. More often than not, I have multiple quizzes and/or tests in the same week. Sometimes something in all three classes. So fitting in studying on top of my work schedule, I barely have a minute to myself. I've just been trying so hard to trudge through in one piece that I feel like I've been in a trance since January.

So pretty. The flower, not the snow.
F**k you, snow.

Enter my motivational metaphor - the crocus. The resilient little flower that, against all odds, bursts through the chilly, snowy ground as one of the first signs of spring. (This metaphor also works well because of the insane weather we've been having - for those not in Michigan, we've been below average temps for weeks and even had several inches of snow within the last week.) I am trying to think like the crocus. I am ready for a new season, a new semester - to emerge from under the snow and ice and once again enjoy fresh air and sunshine. Figuratively, I will only be taking one class at a time over the summer so I hope to give myself a little more breathing room. Literally though, I need some damn sunshine and a bottomless margarita.

So for these last few weeks of the semester, I am being the crocus. It may sound silly, but I have found that for me, thinking to the future is the only way I can effectively keep myself from completely collapsing into a depression. If I have positive things and dreams to look forward to, like getting into a program, imagining my new career, moving to a new place, and even just hanging out with my husband on our balcony on warm summer nights, I can find a way to pull through the hard times.

And as for this blog, I am both sorry and not sorry for not keeping it updated, because I would rather only write about interesting or meaningful topics, other than complain about another test/quiz/day I didn't see the sun. Hopefully as I start gearing up for my admissions, I will have more exciting things to write about.

Until then, a Harry Potter quote to sum up my thoughts about this semester:

"Well, he should have some chocolate, at the very least." - Madam Pomfrey

New Year, New School. And Same School.

2016. 2016! It's only the beginning, but I can already tell it will be quite the year.

I don't really make resolutions, but I do have some goals for this year, so if I had to, they would be:

1) Do well in my classes (aiming for that 4.0 again, of course!)
I'm about to begin my second full semester of classes, and hopefully last jam-packed semester before I'm actually in a Master's program. I've chosen to front-load my class schedule these two semesters, then I'll take one or two at a time during the summer, and maybe one or two in the fall while preparing admission applications (!!). This year, I will also be tackling the GRE. My wonderful hubby got me an awesome prep book for Christmas - probably the best and worst gift this year. Best because it'll definitely be put to good use, but worst because it means I have to take the GRE. (Don't worry, he got me other gifts to make up for the "worst" part :-P)
I'll also be starting to take classes at Oakland University. It'll be nice because since we live on campus, I can walk to class. But, it costs nearly 3x as much for a class. No I do not get a discount for being married to an employee. That's another gripe for another day. Ugggh.
I am a little nervous that my classes will be harder than my previous classes, which were all intro classes. This semester I'm taking Survey of Organic and Bio Chemistry, Microbiology, and Genetics. But I also think they will be more interesting.

2) Eat healthy (everyone gets one cliche resolution!)
I'm sure those who know me are rolling their eyes like, "okay Samm, like you need to be any healthier." I do generally eat very healthy and do exercise. But keeping up the schedule I do has been awful for my eating habits and exercise schedule. I have been relying on more quick-grab snack items like granola bars, frozen meals, and getting food from the student center at school while running from class to class or class to work. I would really like to concentrate on making healthier snacks to bring with me.

3) Build my application!
The biggest thing besides classes that I have to do this year is obtain job shadowing experience from pathologist assistants and pathologists. This could include volunteering at a hospital or working at a lab, if I get lucky.

4) Actually keep up this blog on the regular.
I'm really going to try! I'm going to aim for at least 2-3 blogs a month. It's been fun and it truly is cathartic.

Cheers to a new year! I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season and a very happy New Year!


Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you. - Albus Dumbledore

I survived!

I've officially survived my first full semester of post-grad life. 3 classes and 2 jobs later, I'm still not quite sure how I managed, but I did it! And, with a 4.0 in all classes, thankyouverymuch. :-)

I think the one question I've heard the most over the last few months has been: "Do you like being back in school?" My first responses is always yes, because it's true - I'm a nerd at heart and I have always generally enjoyed school. And I usually stop there because no one really wants to hear me keep babbling, but honestly it has been a more complicated question to answer.

For many reasons, it has been very different than the last time around. For one, even though it's only been 5 years since I graduated, technology has already changed for students. Renting books was just beginning to be a thing back then, so I didn't rent nor did I know anyone who did. Holy crap does it save money! Also, it was pretty rare that anyone had a smart phone - I didn't have one until several months after I graduated. I was talking about studying for an exam with a fellow student one day and mentioned I made myself note cards - his response was something like - "Oh I have an app to make note cards on my phone." It didn't even occur to me that would exist!

Secondly, community college students are very different than the students I encountered at the University of Michigan. There is definitely a stigma about community college students that is negative - students who weren't smart or motivated enough to get into 4-year universities. But I saw so much more there. Yes, there are always going to be a few kids who fit the stereotype. I did encounter one such student who told me he wasn't getting very good grades on the exams and seemed pretty bummed out about it, but then proceeded to tell me he never studied. Yea. But it seemed the biggest demographic was actually students planning to transfer to four year schools. It's really apparent that these students are working really hard and generally care about their education. I think it's encouraging and it's what college students should be like, rather than some of the students at Michigan who let's face it, barely had to work hard in their life, had their tuition paid for by their parents, and took their college education for granted. Though the students that encourage me the most are the ones like me - the older students, both those returning for further education and some going to school for the first time. It's just great to see people bettering their lives and chasing their dreams.
Another thing I've noticed that is different is the teaching style of the professors. On one hand, they are really encouraging and helpful to students, which is of course great since most of the students are really trying to do well and move on to other schools. On the other, I have to wonder if some of their techniques are hurting rather than helping. In two of my classes, I actually ended up with well over 100% grades because of the absolutely insane amount of extra credit. The one I didn't was taught by a professor who mainly teaches at a four-year university and did not offer as much extra credit. Two of my classes also dropped the lowest quiz and lab grades. I didn't take a lot of classes at UM with quizzes and labs (instead lots of papers and only midterm/final exams) so I don't really know if that's common at other schools, but I never remember having the opportunity for so much extra credit. So I have to wonder if this grade-padding is really helping the students or just the teachers.

Finally, and maybe most significantly, I have never felt so lonely in my life than over this semester. This is not the same lonely as some sad "no one understands me" teenager. To me it's not really that sad either, most of the time, because I know it will pass. The reason I feel so lonely is I am constantly surrounded by people who are different than I. I live in a building with college freshman. I go to class with primarily young students right out of high school. The older ones I mentioned are usually much older than me, closer to middle aged. All my friends have full-time 9-5 jobs, like I formally had. I don't really know any of my coworkers at the agency where I work part-time, because I work on contract-type work alone and am only there twice a week. At my other job, most of my coworkers are either younger college and high school students, or much older women aged 50+. There is truly no one I know that can 100% relate to my situation. Yes, I do have an amazingly supportive husband who did some career-changing of his own in the past few years, and is working on his second master's right now! He keeps me sane for sure, and of course having him and my adorable little dog means I'm not literally alone. But again, having no one to relate to can be tough sometimes. And it gets really tricky to make plans with my friends and family when you work weekends and they work weekdays. This semester I went several weeks at a time without seeing either of our families, which we usually make a habit to see at least a few times a month. Most of my friends have been really understanding and supportive, but there are also those who don't seem to understand why I can't go out spontaneously on a Saturday night or take a weekend off for a trip.

So that's how my first semester went. Whew. Now for a few much-needed weeks off! And a favorite quote from my favorite fellow lover of school:

 I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could have been all killed -- or worse, expelled. 
- Hermione Granger

On Death, Or, Why Do You Have So Many Skulls in Here

I thought today - All Souls Day, part of the Day of the Dead celebration - would be the perfect time to write this blog topic. More on why in a bit.

I do not hide my interest in the macabre - it's pretty clear in my choice of career aspirations, the things I wear, my apartment decor, and the interests I have. And yes, sometimes the odd things I say, which I'm sure my dear husband can attest to. While some may write me off as being weird or perhaps unloved as child, I enjoy when someone gives me a chance to explain. I'm really not that strange, when you consider you have a skull sitting right inside your head, and you, as well as I, and everyone on Earth, will die someday. Sorry to spoil the surprise.

I, and many others with similar interests, like to call myself "death positive". It does not mean we revel in the death of others or long for our own demise. It means, to me, simply that I accept death is a part of life, and instead of fearing it, I make it a goal to strive for what some would call, "a good death". (I give credit to hearing this term to Caitlin Doughty, founder of the Order of the Good Death.) Basically, to me having a "good death" would be when I am very old, after living a fulfilling life, passing peacefully at home whilst surrounded by loved ones, assured of what will happen to my body and my earthly possessions once I am gone. While we generally cannot chose when we will die, we can ensure as close to a "good death" as possible by living life to the fullest, so to speak - which I personally also include living a healthy lifestyle - and in more practical terms, having prepared the after-life necessities such as: what will happen to our bodies, what kind of funeral you'd like, if any, and to whom your earthly possessions should pass.

As a student of biology and psychology, death through these lenses also intrigues me. Learning about how complex life is, from the smallest unicellular organism, to the tallest, oldest trees in the forest, life on Earth is such a brilliant machine, constantly operating at every level even if we cannot see it. And the thing about life that is so fascinating to me, is that when it ends, as an organism dies, it becomes, literally, the fuel for more life to continue. Whether it is fed on by another creature or decays quietly into the ground, every bit of it is "recycled" back into new life (except in the case of embalming, which is another gripe for another day). And this has been going on and will continue long before and after humans. Which brings me to psychology - humans are, to our current knowledge, the only organisms that are consciously aware that we will die. The ways in which people deal (or not deal) with this information is so interesting to me. There are cultures that view death as moving on to an after-life in paradise, some who view it as an honor to die in some cases, and cultures where death is viewed as something evil such that they burn the hut of the deceased and all of his possessions within.

So what does this have to do with this blog, or my career? Well, because life is so very complex, it is also so very fragile, leading to a number of abnormalities and diseases and disorders that can disrupt it. I think studying these leads me to understand again how fragile this life is, and inspires me to live better and encourage others to do the same because of that. Not so creepy after all, is it?
One of my hopes for this blog and my life is to inspire others to see death as not so taboo or morbid as well. Which is not to say it isn't sad when a loved one passes. I just don't believe we should be in such denial that we do things like take extreme measures to lengthen one's life with medicine or machines, or once a person is no longer living, fill them with chemicals to stop the decay then seal them in an air tight box enclosed in a cement casing underground. Instead, on this day especially, take a moment to appreciate the relationship the Mexican culture has with the dead, taking a few days to celebrate the life of their loved ones with food and treats and music and joy.

Anyways, though this is a just a summary of my thoughts on death, hopefully that explains some things about me for you. And if it doesn't, I'd be happy to chat about it.


After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.
- Albus Dumbledore


Learn more about the Day of the Dead celebration here: Dia los Muertos - A Primer

Personal Re-Branding

I have to say, even though I have left the social media career field, I do still enjoy social media. I mean, I wouldn't have spent years at jobs in social if I didn't have an underlying interest. And studying it did make good use of both my communications and psychology background.
In my first job out of college, I was interning at an online job board. As social media was still a budding phenomenon, in the blogs and resources we provided our job searchers we repeatedly stressed the importance of building an online "personal brand". It's a fact that people are going to search your name online, and of course you want them to find good things, and if you can control those things, even better. It's a lesson I have taken into my own "personal brand", and considering the amount of Googling I've done on interview candidates, I'd be willing to bet it has helped, or in the least not hurt, my chances of getting the interviews and jobs I've had since that internship. And I don't just believe this is an important strategy for advertising or marketing folks either. Everyone is being Googled nowadays - you can find a new dentist, interior designer, electrician, dog sitter, and everything in between online. Don't tell me you've never Googled the name of someone before you have met them!
In any case, as I slowly back my way out of one career an into the next, I think it makes sense for my social presence to follow accordingly. And hey, maybe also attract a few new readers. :)
So what this means for my pages is still in the works, but if you follow me anywhere online I will be (at least attempting, I do work two jobs and have to study for three classes) posting more items relevant to my intended fields. So if you wonder why there are pictures of weird diseases on my Pinterest or why I tweeted a death-positive article, now you know!

And because it's hard to find a Harry Potter quote about branding or social media, I figure a quote from the self-proclaimed expert of re-branding in the wizarding world would suffice:

"When I was twelve, I was just as much of a nobody as you are now. In fact, I’d say I was even more of a nobody! I mean, a few people have heard of you, haven’t they? All that business with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!" He glanced at the lightning scar on Harry’s forehead. “I know, I know — it’s not quite as good as winning Witch Weekly’s Most-Charming-Smile Award five times in a row, as I have — but it’s a start, Harry, it’s a start.”
- Gilderoy Lockhart

When It Rains...

It pours, so to say. And in my case, hopefully just a nice pour enough to water the plants, not a torrential, devastating downpour.

So after finally figuring out the “what I’m going to do with my life!” part of being purposely funemployed (and also upon receiving my bill for fall classes, honestly), I decided it was time to get myself a job. I started applying to random places I thought would be fun to work at probably about a month or two ago, and to my complete lack of surprise, hadn’t gotten very many bites. I’m sure it’s the whole working-full-time-in-advertising bit of my resume that threw people for a loop, even if I had written a tell-all cover letter to accompany every application. But just as I started to get disheartened, a call from one of my favorite fabric and craft retail stores for an interview! And the same day, a message from a former coworker and friend inquiring about a position at her current agency. I figured I’d explain my situation and throw in a question about part time work just for the heck of it, and just like that I am helping her out part-time in social analytics (what I had been doing previously). I know, I know, it sounds like I’m the little puppy going back to the person that kicked them, but I assure you that is not the case! It’s a small agency and I’m only there two days a week in between classes. And obviously it’s more money than I could make at a retail job, let's be real.
Anyways, my interview at the store rolls around, and I’m offered that job too! I can do evenings and weekends there, and also earn myself a nice employee discount. Which could help me on another business endeavor… just a pipe-dream right now, so we'll see ;)

So there you have it – two jobs, three classes, and hopefully still enough time to enjoy things like, ya know, my husband, my dog, my friends & family! And I hope that this semester will be the only one this busy (until I start the PA program of course), since I’m sort of “front-loading” myself as far as pre-req classes go. But regardless, I could use your help sending good luck vibes my way :P

And PSA, please don’t kick puppies! Adopt, don’t shop. Rescue dogs are cuter anyway. Case in point, my sweet little rescue Ginny:

A photo posted by Samantha Etters (@sammaramma) on Aug 6, 2015 at 5:28pm PDT