On Being the Crocus

Well I can't say I'm surprised. I fell into the trap of "new year, new you" nonsense that weight-loss pill hawkers and gym membership salesmen try to pull on the unsuspecting, naive masses. I said I was going to do all these things and then I didn't. I know it's only April and I have plenty of months left in the year to still make good on those goals, it still stings to be seemingly no further nearly a third of the way in.
Truth be told, this semester has been killer. Every single day I am in class or working or both; no days off. I'm not really complaining, I did this willingly and it is what it is for now and it'll be worth it in the end, but it still sucks. It's exhausting. More often than not, I have multiple quizzes and/or tests in the same week. Sometimes something in all three classes. So fitting in studying on top of my work schedule, I barely have a minute to myself. I've just been trying so hard to trudge through in one piece that I feel like I've been in a trance since January.

So pretty. The flower, not the snow.
F**k you, snow.

Enter my motivational metaphor - the crocus. The resilient little flower that, against all odds, bursts through the chilly, snowy ground as one of the first signs of spring. (This metaphor also works well because of the insane weather we've been having - for those not in Michigan, we've been below average temps for weeks and even had several inches of snow within the last week.) I am trying to think like the crocus. I am ready for a new season, a new semester - to emerge from under the snow and ice and once again enjoy fresh air and sunshine. Figuratively, I will only be taking one class at a time over the summer so I hope to give myself a little more breathing room. Literally though, I need some damn sunshine and a bottomless margarita.

So for these last few weeks of the semester, I am being the crocus. It may sound silly, but I have found that for me, thinking to the future is the only way I can effectively keep myself from completely collapsing into a depression. If I have positive things and dreams to look forward to, like getting into a program, imagining my new career, moving to a new place, and even just hanging out with my husband on our balcony on warm summer nights, I can find a way to pull through the hard times.

And as for this blog, I am both sorry and not sorry for not keeping it updated, because I would rather only write about interesting or meaningful topics, other than complain about another test/quiz/day I didn't see the sun. Hopefully as I start gearing up for my admissions, I will have more exciting things to write about.

Until then, a Harry Potter quote to sum up my thoughts about this semester:

"Well, he should have some chocolate, at the very least." - Madam Pomfrey